My husband and I fought about when we would become parents. As the years went by, it was never the right time. We were just teenagers, away from our family in London and residing in a tiny basement apartment. We wanted to settle with our jobs and in a city living in a house that we owned – before we decided to have the joy of having a child. It was like things parents or actual adults should be able to enjoy.
In the end, we wouldn’t be as worried as we do. Our daughter and our sons were raised by two parents who are deeply concerned about their health and well-being. As with many parents, we set away many of our desires to give our kids the most fulfilling possible life we could. After more than a decade of being the new parents who were shattered, we are now taking more confident steps in our journey as parents. Our children are happy, healthy, and flourishing.
Of course, as most parents, we fret about whether the gift we offer to our children is sufficient. What would be more beneficial for us to send them to private schools (even though the concept of private education opposes all of our convictions)? Do our kids need to be involved in more activities after school? Do we have enough money saved to provide them with a financial advantage as they grow older?
Concerning the future, it seems, goes with the responsibility of parenting. We think about what kind of world we’ll leave our children, and many of these concerns affect our children’s lives. We aren’t just concerned about what kind of person our children will become, but how well we’ve prepared our children with the necessary tools to live fulfilling lives.
In the end, what does worry get us? It’s not likely to alter the future. I began to meditate around the time when I was going to become a mother in the very first instance. one of the things I’ve learned was that while I cannot determine what’s coming up in the future, however, I do have control over what the way I view my current. I am in power at least – what’s happening at the moment. While I cannot alter my children’s future by thinking about it, I can make a difference in their lives by providing them with the best possible childhood that I can.
In her novel The Philosophical Baby, Alison Gopnik writes about how, as parents and caregivers, we influence an essential aspect of our children’s lives, and that’s their childhood. She discusses a project in Michigan where children with disadvantaged backgrounds were provided with committed caregivers. This could be observed 20-30 years later when these children had been “more prosperous, better educated, healthier and less likely to go to jail.” To them.
Similar to that, Michael Delman, in his book Your Kid’s Gonna is Okay, says: “For our children, our patience, kindness, and encouragement will pay better dividends than constantly wringing our hands and telling them how anxious we are about them.”
It is possible that among the best things that we could do to our kids is think less about the future and instead focus on their immediate. In the best way we can be able, we can provide our children with an experience that will keep them in good standing.
In Western societies, we tend to spend most of our time thinking about our children’s future and perhaps even to their disadvantage in the end, as Gopnik has pointed out in the book The Gardener and the Carpenter. Instead of worrying about their futures, perhaps it is better to be worried about what might someday be their past. After all, unlike their futures, our children’s past is the only thing we have some degree of control over.
It’s not to say that we as parents won’t fail or that life doesn’t bring us into situations that we cannot control. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take care of the fundamental needs of our children and not take the necessary steps to help them achieve success. However, perhaps the stress and stressing over whether we’re doing enough isn’t so crucial?
The positive side is that if you’re thinking these thoughts, chances are you’re already a fantastic caregiver and are putting your children’s needs at the forefront. The most important thing is that we’re with our children. Regardless of how much time we can dedicate during a day, we ensure it’s an uninterrupted time that isn’t cluttered with distractions.
Blacklite District Has A New Single Titled “Gotta Get Outta Here”
Blacklite District, the musical alias of the South Dakota based singer/songwriter Kyle Pfeiffer, is set to release his new full length album, 1990, on December 31 through Pfeiffer’s own AK19 label. The 10-track LP was produced by Brett Hestla (Creed, Dark New Day) in Nashville, TN, and takes the listener on a vulnerable journey through Blacklite District’s struggle with drug addiction, a broken hip, and childhood trauma.
“As soon as I got clean and started thinking clearly, I knew I wanted Brett Hestla to produce this album”, Pfeiffer said over the holidays from his hometown of Spearfish, SD. “After playing guitar in my recliner for three months because of my broken hip, the music kind of naturally started getting heavier and heavier and it felt right to take things full circle”.
Fans of Blacklite District have already gotten a taste of 1990 with the release of “Gotta Get Outta Here”, and “Clear Skies” as singles. The two videos combined have already racked up over half a million views on YouTube, and fans have been letting their approval of the hard rock driven songs be known on social media. “This song is legendary!”, one fan says on YouTube.
“The response from my fans always lets me know if I’m on the right path”, explains Pfeiffer, “because in my world, it’s all about the song, not the genre”.
The lead single from 1990, Gotta Get Outta Here, recently became Pfeiffer’s highest charting song to date as it hit #12 on Billboard’s Mainstream Rock Indicator chart, the week of December 18. The future looks bright for the South Dakota based rocker, and he has his eyes set on the road. “Getting back out onstage and playing these songs live for the first time is something I think about every day. It’s in my blood. It’s who I am.”
Rounding out Blacklite District’s touring lineup is videographer, tour manager, and long time friend Clinton Cunanan on bass (Clinton also fronts his own group, Another Lost Year), and Alex Hilton on drums. Pfeiffer says “these guys have absolutely killed it for me, and you can see it in the videos. The vibe was totally right when we started playing.” If you have not already, be sure to check out the latest single “Gotta Get Outta Here”.